The hard/happy post :)

You guys... it's one of those days where we are gonna get real again.
Because life's not butterflies and rainbows and unicorns and delicious chocolate brownies (yep, still on my mind) all the time. Life has cockroaches and rainy days and disgusting kitchen mishaps! And while those days suck! aren't the best, it's those days that make you appreciate the really special ones!

Where am I going with this? These past 2-3 years have the been the craziest, hectic, sad/angry/ confusing/ amazing/ influential/ important years of my life. I've been going through teenage-hood and I've felt some of the pretty unfortunate things that can come with it.

I've gone through the stress and anxiety of school work, the large weight loss and fatigue that comes with not committing to a proper vegetarian diet, anxiety/depression/insomnia all rolled into one (probably as a result of the first two), so, so, so many doctors appointments and blood tests and nights spent crying. Then recovering. Discovering a love for exercise, fueling my body with the right types as well as enough food, gaining back the weight my body needed, freeing myself from the dark clutches of depression, experiencing life once again. Then another slope down into abusing my love of exercise and healthy eating by over doing it and become obsessed, where once again I could feel myself getting pulled into a raging sea of worry.

Somehow through all this I still managed to work extremely hard at school, keep up extracurriculars (although I did have to stop for some time during my extreme fatigue days) and present a Steph to the world- maybe not the Steph I truly am/ am capable to be, but I soldiered on... and I will not lie to you- it was so hard sometimes.

Everyone around me seemed fine. Was I the only one going through this crazy torment of life? Why were all my friends so easy-going? Why didn't they have any health issues? Why weren't they obsessed with everything they ate and if they had exercised that day and what they would eat if we were going out? Why me?

I know now how wrong I was when I thought I was the only one going through the somewhat colossal battle of being a teenager. Like me, many, many others were masters of disguise. I could blend in a little foundation over the black rings under my eyes and plaster on a smile and come across as normal as the next gal. So, why did I think no one else was doing the same?

Any who- I wanted to write this post as a light at the end of the tunnel (before I enter another tunnel of course ;). I want to write this post and send it back to my young 14-year-old self who was barely walking because it was too tiring. Who's hip bones stuck out, hurting the skin around them. Who saw no light, none at all at the end of that long, bumpy tunnel.

Of course, that's not going to happen and it's the fact that I experienced those not-so-fun months/ years that shaped me into who I am today. That made me stronger than I ever could have been if I had an easy, happy, no-problems teenage experience. So instead I write this post for anyone out there who was where I was a few years back. Who's in that tunnel and just want to get out! Who can't see the light and instead succumb to the darkness.

This is for you- take my word for it- there is always a light! Work hard to get to it- accept help from others, accept the advice from counselors and doctors who at the moment seem to have no understanding of what you're going through, but actually might kinda know what they're talking about. :) It will get better, I don't know how I can stress that enough. And when it does, life will be so freaking amazing! I feel so blessed and free and in awe of my wonderful life, thanking God every night before I go to bed for it. This is life- it's full of crazy good and crazy bad times. But it's full of both and that's what we have to keep reminding ourselves when we get dragged down under despair!

I can't tell you how hard this post was to write for me. I don't like re-living the past, especially not that particular past and so writing out a time in my life that actually happened... I can hardly believe it. I mean you know it must be hard to write about if it's taken me around 6 months to a year to create a post on it!

I guess I finally realised that I hold some power and influence over the readers of this blog and if I can help just one person in their lives, than I cannot tell you how amazing that would be!

So tell me:
Did you have a tough teenage period of your life?
How do you get through tough situations that seem to fully take over your life? Nowadays, I remember that time in my life and think to myself that I got through that, I'm strong and capable and can get through anything.

One thing you feel so blessed for right at this minute? Family, no question.


That's it from me today friendly friends! I hope I've helped someone out today :) Also, sometimes you just need a brownie to get you through. the link is at the top ;) Have a great day! Bye friends! :D